i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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