Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
