The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
