just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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