I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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