Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize