Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
