Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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