The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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