Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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