are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize