She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
