Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize