He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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