Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize