You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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