I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
