If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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