bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
