I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
