Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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