I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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