Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
