That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
