Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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