She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
