My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize