Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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