i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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