drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
