the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
