Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
