Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
