Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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