I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
