Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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