I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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