He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
