Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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