I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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