Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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