I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
