I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
