plz talk dirty to me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
