Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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