From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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