Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
