did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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