a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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