I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
