I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
