Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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