Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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