:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
