What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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