remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
whose ass print is on the piano?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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