i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
we're making bets on your personal life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
