We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
