haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
