This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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