so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
