You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I look better un-naked...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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