Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
