Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
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