There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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