the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
