If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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