Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
