oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
