His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
