i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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