OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
