I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
