Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
