I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
