We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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