Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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