I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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