Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
