the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
