You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
