Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
