i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
