just come out here and I will go home with you...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
