a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
