wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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