Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
