I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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