she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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