I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
